You may not relate to this specific "disability," but I wish to share the frustration, sense of loss, and attempts to adjust my attitude. We all fight some kind of malady. Maybe you can find a little hope struggling with your own.
VIBRATIONS
She strains to pick up
whispering songs
swirling
around her head.
The mystic voice within
whistles a Reality
Check tune. She
ignores the melody and
Trudges on, stoically,
hoping that someone
will create a new path for
her silence to disappear.
Shrouded ones
sleep snugly behind her ears
all the while, she
struggles and gropes through the
mumbling
jabber, like muffled
screams of a
pillow-smothered victim.
Useless whispers are
endured
like the hot summer gnats that
dance in and around your ears, buzzing
annoying nonsense
until you
absent-mindedly swat them away. Only,
She is brushing away the
marriage of Voice
and Ear which conceives the precious child,
Communication.
The rational voice within
convinces her -- Listening
is superior to hearing, and
that requires no decibels or pitch. Yet,
The stinging vibration echoes -- The notes
must be placed on paper,
before the symphony can begin.
ROOTS AND WINGS: Marriage, Motherhood, Moments, and Memories
Saturday, September 3, 2011
4 comments:
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Blessings to you,
Suzanne
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I am continually amazed as read these blog postings the many ways you've been tested throughout your life and you still come across as a hopeful, kind and seeking person. Very witty, too. I, too, am dealing with a physical problem. It is the isolation and others around me, never having to deal with it themselves which is hard. I don't expect pity, simply to cut me a wider berth when I am low but to also give me a pat on the back, hoping they can acknowledge how diligent I am at making my situation workable. I've read each of your postings and know you would be a fine person to have as a friend. "The muffled screams" really impressed upon me - meant to me - that I need to talk with someone and be heard, rather than trying to take care of others - to help them accept my dilemma - like a person denying my own needs. They need to take care of themselves. They may be well-meaning but they haven't dealt with my circumstances. I will read this poem over and over.
ReplyDeleteThis made me think of Beethoven. It also made me think of my mother-in-law and severe hearing loss and for the first time in 10 years have a beginning of understanding and compassion for her. She is a difficult person and I used her hearing issues as an excuse not to talk with her, especially over the telephone. When I read this, I felt like crying. I probably should take a crying break. Sometimes feels good these days of transition leaving menopause some time ago - being 59. I have lost many people in my life due to a mood disorder but am seeing at this late date, I also used that as an excuse to hold resentments, rather than look at my part. Largely, ruined relationships were not my mental health issues but my lack of respect for other people. Maybe I should have known your mother's bite your tongue wisdom! I am sorry you are going through this. Your words and generosity sharing about this will cause me to call my mother-in-law for the first time in over 2 years. I haven't seen her for over 3 years. My goodness. This blog. I am sorry I have no great insight into specific phrases. The entire poem might change my life. Please don't think me obsequious.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, you tell part of my story with words I wouldn't find. Simply, you start off with "Vibrations." Quickly, you lead into the intense path of hearing loss. Almost 20 years ago, I was put on hold on the telephone. All of a sudden, the most loud and screeching sound came through the receiver like metal against metal with a strong wind going through it. It felt like a solid object. It physically hurt. I made the mistake of not going to the doctor. The hearing in that ear has never been the same. "Trudges on, stoically." What else can you do? On a good day, the challenges give a unique feeling of self-esteem. Not like a martyr but somehow experiencing life very deeply. It is almost noble. Other days, I could scream and cry. I find though that notice things I missed before - nature, smiles from strangers and doing more reading. Sometimes, I just pretend I hear something said. Talking with people on cell phones is almost impossible. "The marriage of Voice and Ear." Brilliant. You are brave and kind to share. e
ReplyDeleteI'm beginning to think that most writers might be thinking as I do...that we are continually in awe that our words make some personal impact on others. I so appreciate all the shared thoughts. You are showing me exactly what I had hoped...that by this connection we are making our lives better for ourselves and with those sharing our world. Thank you!
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