I used to teach Internal Monologue to my students. It is a type of stream of consciousness
writing that displays what is going on in the writer’s head while going through
a daily routine. There are several
literary examples that I would show them such as Alice Walker’s, “Everyday Use”
or Tillie Olsen’s “While I Stand Here Ironing.” As I am in the beginning of a Writing Class to
discover my own writing routine, I have below my reflection of this week’s assignment.
Woke up at 4 a.m. with terrific headache. Decided to work
through it and maybe get in some uninterrupted writing time. I’m supposed to
create a ritual this week. Not my forte. I am far from being a creature of
habit on anything but leaving my shoes in the middle of the living room. So
that’s the plan…
I had better take my BP . For the past 2 weeks, I have been
going through this silent rebellion (more like cutting your nose off to spite
your face) to get off my meds and continue my eating and exercise routine to
handle it. Well, it was a whopping 190/102. Okay, enough of that. Pop the dang pill. While you’re at it, take a couple of ibuprofen for the headache, backache, joint
ache that accompanies every morning rise. Oh and the eye focus routine has to
take about 30-45 minutes. Make a cup of
coffee and just meditate - one of the ritual suggestions (i.e. Veg Out) for a
bit to get all the drugs to do their thing. It’s now 5 pm. Still too early to
take in the sunrise – another ritual idea. Get on computer go to buddy pages of
my writing class. Decided to see my buddy’s blog to get to know her since I haven’t
heard from her in like 3 days. So I’ll write her another email.
Wonder what’s at the
class site to help me take in ideas for my ritual. The assignment is to write about
childhood memories and food. Making lists. Okay let’s see one… Lemon halves dipped in sugar bowl, two…chocolate
milk and vanilla ice cream.. Hmm, What else is on the site comments…
Another student has posted that she uses a bouncy exercise ball as a chair at her
computer. Bouncy ball. I’ve got one of those. Bouncing to the Beethoven’s music
- yet another ritual idea. Probably quite a site when daughter walks in to ask
what I was doing.
Oh gosh this is trash day. Got to gather all the trash up
and get it outside. Last night Sam had
raked our leaves for us and I was supposed to get them in bags last night.
Well, I’m not going to do that now! It’s still pitch dark. When does the sun rise these days anyway?
Dragging the big trash canister to the curb is enough for now.
Sister calls. We both have to have our daily jabber session.
This will last almost an hour. Then we make excuses to get back to the laundry.
Better make it look good, so pick up all the weekend cast-off clothes littering
my bedroom floor, and put on a load of laundry.
Back to the computer…Bouncy bouncy. Set up visual imagery
meditation tape. Is it 9:00 already?!!
Oh, I’ll light a fragrant candle. Can’t find lighter or matches. Well skip that.
Make a cup of tea... burned my tongue. Get
back to the Meditation. It really worked last week. But it’s too soft to hear.
I resort to hanging my neckloop over my ears so I can hear it. Only those who
know about hearing aids and neckloops would appreciate this, but I will the rest
of you to imagine this ridiculous sight of a 60 year old woman, still in her
morning velour pants and plaid shirt, silently yet merrily bouncing on an
exercise ball with wires hanging over her ears, in front of her laptop ..
Headed back up to the other list on childhood memories and
food. Oh scratch that. I’ll have to write that another time.
Bouncy bouncy
Tea is cold now.
Looking out window at beautiful fall trees. Wind robustly blowing . Oh no, those 5 carefully raked piles of leaves
that Sam created for me!! Well, no need getting them in bags now.
It is now 11 a.m. and I have successfully completed my goal of
600 words and hopefully a bit of entertainment for my dear bloggees .
This goes to show truth is better than fiction. Real people - their thoughts and ideas - when they can be shared in an honest and rich way are fantastic. I like your use of the early morning. I tried that this week - rather than being depressed first thing. It worked! I don't poo-poo genuine depression but for me, I can find it a habit that I don't participate in a solution. Most people have periods of depression but I wallow and can catastrophize (sp). 600 words? Very therapeutic but later in the day!
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ReplyDeleteHow do I prepare for the visit? My sister-in-law hasn't been here for 4 years? All the way from Scotland. Exactly the same age but she is so foo foo sometimes. She lives in a castle and has a villa. She does think that passing gas is the funniest thing in the world though. She can't be all bad. We know we don't like each other. We want to though. Will I ever get over the cats? A writing class? Why does my blogger friend need a class? She writes better than most people will ever speak? I get so envious of her. Envious. I get confused that there is no word between jealous and envious. Both are so ugly. Envious - wanting someone to lose something so that we can have it. Or jealous - usually involving three and one wanting what the other has. Is that it? No. Not envious of people who write. Not wanting them lose their talent so that I can have it. No, that's not it. Jealous. No that's not it. Sometimes words are feeble. Admiration is the word - but frustrated. O.K. So, if a teacher with probably at the very least a masters can take a writing class, then so can I. Gosh. I am giving this a lot of thought. Should I replace my coffee grinder? Will she bring bedbugs? Little Scottish ones? Will the new sofa bed inflate or should we get her a hotel? If the car needs an extensive repair, we better not make a reservation downtown. It's close to the holidays. Can't deplete the budget. She a trooper. Even if the bed won't work, she's teeny. She'll sleep anyplace. She's not picky. Down to earth. Yes, I do like her. Just want her to like me. She was a cheerleader. I was a nerd. The cats? Will I start crying again? The dentist. I can't forget to make that appointment. The morning is so wonderful. I resent people waking up, starting their cars, flushing toilets, rolling out the cans on a Friday. Sustainability. Is there still time to do a winter veggie garden? The writing class. Should I do one on line or try to attend and sit in the little desk again? Why do they have those little things at the university? Weird. I may as well be pregnant and try to sit in them. Really strange. Tank tops on the other students. Right. I never wore a tank top in my life. I can't forget my son's appointment on Monday. Is the shunt working properly? Where's my pad to write down more questions. Need to call the billing department. Why a tumor for him? Why not for me? He's had enough. If I had one though, who would take care of him? No more questions for God. Did I remember to pay the utilities. Juggled some accounts getting ready for the visitor. Made some repairs and wiggled the budget. Anxiety. I know I have it. A lot. It's learned. So, it can be unlearned. People say, "You are so calm." Right. 600 words. Can't count them right now but this was sure therapeutic!
ReplyDeleteI feel simple minded reading these posts! I better put some thoughts together and have some fun, too. I'll put on my thinking cap!
ReplyDeleteLoved hearing that this was a therapeutic exercise! And a wonderful post/comment too. Doesn't it amaze you what goes on in our heads when we think we are doing "nothing"? Thanks!
ReplyDeleteSuzanne
Oh my. This blog. I shared it with my sister-in-law. What a lovely visit we had. It appears that I was into high anxiety while all the time, she was simply looking forward to seeing us - and making a new friend in me, after all these years. The anonymous ability to share on a blog really helps one to sort out things with thoughtful, intelligent and fun people. Frankly, when she told me I was simple, I took it as a compliment! Now, perhaps, with this great assignment of thinking time, I will lighten it up once in a while and make it not so much about me but think more of others, new ideas and seeing a little more than being a sponge for the real or the evil imagined... No bedbugs, so far... Why in the world does the media have to yuk it up so much about this? Where did journalism rather than sensationalism go? I miss Walter Cronkite. e
ReplyDeletep.s. - keep these wonderful posts coming. All of us will probably meet in blog heaven some day and be great friends.
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